Woody Allen... Always the Entertainer

“A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.”

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”

“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”

“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.”

“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”

"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'"

“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”