Sunday, November 28, 2010

Open Letter to the Universe

Dear World,

While I'm not entirely positive-- and more conclusive evidence/experience is needed-- I'm pretty sure the absolute best thing that ever happened to you is the Christmas season. I am convinced.

Laid out below are my most unbiased, objective reasons for this claim.

- Drinking steaming hot chocolate with a giant mound of mini marshmallows while cuddled up by a fire (real or the TV yule log kind) on a lazy evening.

- Driving around and admiring twinkling Christmas lights -- especially white icicle lights. They're my weakness.

- Snowflakes, snow piles, snowboarding, snow angels (especially while hot tubbing)

- "Last Christmas" -- especially the Wham! version. YouTube it. You wont be sorry.

- Watching Elf and then quoting it for the rest of December. "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"

- Reading the "Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus" editorial. It's so elegant and inspiring.

- Singing "Baby It's Cold Outside" in the most seductive voice possible, then debating the song's creepyness vs. awesomeness with friends.

- Listening to Christmas carols while studying. Josh Groban's velvety voice will soothe your stress away.

- Tacky Christmas sweaters. My favorite is when people wear them to be ironic, but you know they just really love that thick wool knit.

- My bright red sleigh bell earrings with green bows. You better bet I'm going to wear them to class. And jingle all the way.

After such strong evidence has been laid before you, I trust that you will agree with me on this claim of Christmas's superior position within the existence of humanity.

And to thank you for this delightful bright spot in the middle of such dark, dreary months, I would present you with a commemorative gift, if I could. As it is, I can only offer you a hearty imaginary handshake to show my appreciation to you for allowing this wonderful season to continue on forever. Which, I trust, always will (*hearty handshake turns into intimidating squeeeeeze*).

Please don't ever let Christmas disappear, no matter how much some Scrooges like to complain that Christmas is over-commercialized. Don't listen to them. They have a glass half-empty attitude, and their parents probably didn't let them believe in Santa Clause. They're still bitter.

Discerning Holiday Connoisseur

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