Funny on Command

I have a short film due in my film editing class in two weeks, and I still don't know what I want to do it on. I know that I want to make a short documentary, both because I've never made one before and because a documentary requires considerable less pre-production planning than a narrative short film.

I don't have any ideas for a topic. All I know is that I would like to do a character sketch, rather than following an actual event (since I'd probably digress into a news story).

The only problem is that I don't have anyone to document.

I'd like to do something funny, because funny student films are always the best. Serious short films are hard to pull off, and are often rather silly. I mean, I'm only a young college student, so thinking I can tackle giant life issues in seven minutes seems a little pretentious.

So going off that, I'd like to make a funny short documentary. That means I'll have to either document a funny situation or funny people. But I guess I don't have enough funny friends...? No one comes to mind as someone whose life is so crazy that it'd translate well onto film.

And the person would preferably need to be a stand-up comedian on the side, because I can't rely on my comedic timing in the editing room to make things funny.

So... they need to have a crazy life and be insanely funny with zero prompting from myself. And through it all, there'd preferably be a story worth telling about their lives or humanity in general (speaking of tackling giant topics).